Emotional Involvement
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Repression AU where Kathryn and Chakotay are together, based on Tuvok's comments about 'emotional involvements'
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I recently re-watched "Repression" and thought that Chakotay's reaction to Tuvok's comments about 'close' relationships was interesting. I was going to keep it canon, but then I thought it would be more fun to Kathryn and Chakotay in a relationship. The "Do I what?"/"Know better" lines are from _Maleficent II._ Anyways, hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**Emotional Involvement**_

Kathryn chewed her lip thoughtfully, glancing at Chakotay's profile as they sat cuddled up on the couch in her quarters reading.

"You looked liable to kill Tuvok today," she commented idly, pretending to concentrate on the PADD in front of her.

Chakotay let out a frustrated sigh, "It's taken me almost seven years to convince you that we can make this work," he grumbled, not taking his eyes off his own PADD. "And, after I _finally_ succeed, he starts lecturing about the dangers of emotional attachments."

Kathryn hid a smirk, "That's just his nature."

"If I didn't know better, I'd think he was doing it on purpose," Chakotay muttered.

"Well do you?" she asked, looking up.

Chakotay looked up from his own PADD, "Do I what?"

"Know better?"

Chakotay pulled a face at her, "I don't know, I am emotionally involved and therefore prone to unpredictable behaviour."

Kathryn chuckled, "I've often found that emotional attachments lead to _less_ unpredictability."

"Are you saying that I'm predictable?" he asked with a mock hurt expression.

"I'm saying that I know you well enough to trust you," Kathryn explained, "even during any 'unpredictable' moments."

Chakotay quirked an eyebrow, "Nice save."

Kathryn sat up so that she could look him in the eye, "Chakotay…"

"It's ok," he assured her with a smile, "I know what you meant." His smile widened into a grin, "I trust you during your unpredictable moments too," he added.

It was Kathryn's turn to quirk an eyebrow, "I'll try to remember that the next time you call me reckless."

"Just because I trust you doesn't mean that I'm not concerned for your safety," he retorted.

"Maybe I take chances because I know you'll keep me safe," she countered,

Chakotay shook his head, "Nice try, but I'm still going to object the next time you put yourself in danger."

"Maybe there won't be a next time," Kathryn replied easily, resuming her place snuggled into his side.

"Kathryn, if there's danger, you'll find it," Chakotay replied, absently wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Kathryn reached up to twine her fingers with his, "And you'll be there to protect me."

Chakotay pressed a kiss temple, "Always."


	2. Chapter 2

A little over a week later, Chakotay found Kathryn waiting outside his quarters as he returned from the Holodeck.

"You didn't come to sit with me," she complained by way of greeting.

"I thought you might like some space," he explained, gesturing for her to proceed him inside. "You seemed more willing to forgive Tuvok and the others," he shrugged, "I didn't want to press you."

Kathryn turned to face him, "You weren't yourself," she reminded him, "I forgave you almost as soon as you started escorting me to the brig."

Chakotay regarded her, "But?" he prompted quietly.

"_But_ it was my worst nightmare," she conceded as she started to pace, punctuating her sentence with dramatic gestures as she went. "The man I love handing a phaser to one of my closest friends and ordering him to kill me…and…even though he said that he knew it wasn't functional, he still fired."

She stopped her pacing to look at him with her hand on her hips, "Objectively, I know that he was right and that the only way he could salvage the situation was to prove his loyalty to you but _subjectively_…" She sighed and dropped her arms by her side, "I wish he hadn't fired. That he'd protested his loyalty and commitment to _me_ instead."

She sat down heavily on one of his dining chairs, "I'm not more willing to forgive him, Chakotay. In so many ways, he was the harder one to forgive." She looked up at him, "You were both under the influence of someone else, until that moment. Tuvok fired a phaser he was told was set to kill when he was _himself_."

"You're forgetting that he'd been with me in the Marquis," Chakotay reminded her gently, "he knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't give him a functional phaser if I doubted his loyalty. I also like to think that he knows me well enough to know that I would never order a summary execution, and certainly not _yours_, regardless of the circumstances or whose influence I may be under."

"You're right, it was the logical option," Kathryn conceded. She ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, "I guess I can't help thinking about what might have happened if your positions had been reversed."

"I wouldn't have fired the phaser," Chakotay said simply.

Kathryn nodded, "Exactly."

"But then you wouldn't have gotten your ship back," Chakotay pointed out, taking a step towards her. "Perhaps his emotional attachment to you allowed him to take the unpredictable action and fire," he added, a teasing smile playing at the edge of his mouth.

A smile tugged at Kathryn's lips, "I think I'd prefer the predictable response," she commented drily.

"Would it help if I professed _my_ undying loyalty and affection?" he quipped, coming to crouch before her.

She smiled down at him, "It might."

Chakotay took her hands in his, "For the record, I am sorry for what happened." He looked down at their entwined hands, "Ordering Tuvok – ordering _anyone_ to kill you – is _my_ worst nightmare. If anything happened to you because of me I wouldn't be able to live with myself," he continued, reaching out with one of his hands to cup her cheek.

Kathryn used her free hand to cover his, "That's why I fought this for so long. I'm your Captain, Chakotay, what if I end up ordering you to your death?" she whispered.

Chakotay considered his response for a long moment, "Firstly," he began in a low tone, "you'd never actually _order_ me to die so it would _never_ be your fault. Secondly, at least I'd die knowing you love me and that _you_ know that I love _you_. I'd have no regrets and neither should you."

Kathryn closed her eyes as a lone tear rolled down her cheek, "I love you," she whispered, opening her eyes.

"And I love you," Chakotay replied seriously, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

He was pleasantly surprised when she slipped off the chair and into his arms, "Hold me," she murmured, burying her face in his neck.

Chakotay cradled her against his chest as he shifted into a more comfortable position on the floor, "Always."

As he rested his cheek against her hair, Chakotay reflected that perhaps Tuvok had been right after all. But he wouldn't trade his 'emotional involvement' with Kathryn and all of the 'unpredictable' moments it entailed for all the world.


End file.
